Yeah. I'm Weird

“Hi, I’m Patricia and I’m socially awkward.” The response is usually something like “I can handle it.” and of course my response is usually “Okay, but don’t say I didn’t warn you!” Followed by a little laugh.

I have noticed the older I get, the more likely friends fade away, because “life happens” and months pass without a word. Sometimes you can pick right back up where you left off, and others you just don’t answer and avoid to call back at all cost.  I get it. I’ve done it.

The more I decide it’s time to meet some new people, the more I think, can they handle it? Can they handle the random things said without thinking it through or the long silent pauses between conversations or the way if asked a question my mind goes blank and I can’t come up with the answer right away.  The answer is usually “yes, or course I can handle it.” But what ends up happening is one day the calls stop, the messages seize and days turn into months. Then you finally give it one last attempt to get together before you just write it off as the past and understand they just must not have been meant to be in your future.

I am beginning to understand this. I am slowly trying to tell myself it won’t be just me forever. Sooner or later I will find someone that is just as weird as I am and their won’t be a reason to live a life without worrying about if that person or those people will just decide you are too weird and leave. Because they are like you and you are both weird in your own ways and you (all) will just BE.

I promised myself I wouldn’t change for anyone anymore. I did that most of my life and I wouldn’t change it for anything. But I did learn from it all and I do know that the older you get the less others thinking your weird is something to worry about.

So, for those who think they can handle weird, just know, if you want to run, at least tell us why, just so we can laugh and say “I told you so!” Before we say bye.